I’m trying so very hard to produce things that make me happy and most importantly, that might make others happy but I’m struggling.
Its time to admit I just didn’t produce one of those low maintenance children this forth time around and I live in a much larger house with a bigger garden. The net result is, if I don’t devote almost ALL my time to either the toddler or the house things go to pot. The child trashes the place and the place becomes worthy of ‘A Life of Grime’
It’s making my crochet and new excitement about knitting a truly TRULY ‘guilty pleasure’….. Pretty heavy on the guilt to be honest.
The difficult thing for me is that if I’m not creating something I feel frustrated and dare I say it, depressed. There’s been some research into knitting and crochet and mental health and it’s been shown to have a good effect on both mental wellbeing and actually physical wellbeing too!
When I decided to start a blog someone told me it was a great idea but “leave the mental stuff out” I took that advice on board and I’ve tried as hard as I can to not mention ‘the mental stuff’ but more and more recently I’m feeling it is relevant.
I’ve suffered depression for a long time on and off and became very seriously unwell with that a few years ago, after a few years of deliberation and investigation I was finally diagnosed with a bi polar disorder. What that means in day to day terms is sometimes I’m super productive, I have good ideas and pursue them with unrelenting gusto but sometimes the pendulum swings the other way and I find myself as I am now, still harbouring ideas and a need to create but an mostly an inability to do so.
As you can imagine my high needs toddler combined with a house that seems to untidy itself plus those pendulum swings means, even when I’m “up” most of that time seems to be clearing away the mess that “down” left behind.
I’m hoping taking about this honestly won’t lead to a lot of unfollows of my blog. I really enjoy sharing my crochet and knitting journey and life at the yurt here and I find it very rewarding. I’m not about to make is page all about my illness, I have another blog where I talk exclusively about that. I just wanted to explain why perhaps I’ve gone off the boil a bit recently.
I have so very many things I want to do creatively and patterns I am waiting to write and share with you but I just have to wait till I have the time and the energy. I hope you will stick around till things begin to flow again.